If I was Dead
by theworldisadick
Summary: Suguro goes out to see why Rin isn't with the rest of the Group, And Ends up trying to save his life. Bonrin. Warning: Suicide Mention.


The sun was setting, and the sky over kyoto began shifting into warm shades of orange and pink, as Rin sat out on the temple garden head buried in his knees and sword leaned up against his right shoulder.

"Oi! Okumura!" A familiar rough voice rang in his ears as the half demon jerked his head over to direct his gaze at the two-toned haired boy standing at the steps of the temple.

"What th' hell are ya doin' out here? Ain't ya gonna come and eat wit' the rest of us?"

Rin gave a little smile and a half-wave to acknowledge the other boy's invitation. "Nah I actually may just stay out here for a while to think, But thanks anyway"

For a moment it was silent save for the sounds of the night and the faint voices from inside the temple, until suguro broke with a cocky laugh, and slow footsteps towards Rin.

"Oh really? Aren't ya worried yer gonna give yer'self a headache with all that 'thinkin'" he smirked as he took a seat next to him, ensuring he kept a healthy space between the two. "I mean, y'aren't exactly much of a thinker are ya?"

The half-demon looked at the other with a displeased expression, before giving a friendly shove at Suguro.

"Ha. Haha. That was so fuckin' funny I forgot to laugh"

"'Hate to break it to ya, but you just did kinda laugh dumbass!" The other boy barked.

Rin sat there confused for a second and laughed softly to himself before turning his gaze back in front of him and his chin back into his knees with a small frown creeping back onto his face. Suguro continued to chuckle for a moment longer before noticing the raven haired boy's sudden change in mood, At which point his expression sobered and he turned himself to directly face the other.

"What's eatin' ya anyway?" Suguro asked with a sort of blunt inquiry.

Rin looked back at him for a moment, before turning himself back to his former sulking position.

"Nothin' important, just stuff ya know?"

"No I don't know actually, and if it ain't important you wouldn't be that hung up on whatever it is!" Suguro growled with irritation present in his voice.

Rin looked at the other with a face the other had never seen before, a very sober, solemn, joyless expression. The same hyperactive, dorky slacker and comrade he knew from his classes was nowhere to be found in that face. The sight even made Suguro uncomfortable, like his skin was crawling, Like he could feel himself tense up.

"I just wonder what it would be like for everyone if I was dead." Rin quietly said, his voice shaking a little.

The other boy sat there stunned, unable to rebuttal what the his friend was saying to him. His face gave a clearly surprised, and uneasy expression.

"W-what the hell d'ya mean by that?" Suguro managed to timidly whisper at the other boy.

Rin sighed and choked back the lump in his throat before he proceeded

"Its just… ya know. It's not exactly a secret that I'm satan's kid, and that means there are people that don't really care much fer me. An' to be honest, If I were dead, maybe my old man would still be here. Yukio would still at least have a dad, The old man would be you all's instructor, None of you would be caught up in all of the shit with Amaimon." Rin could feel another lump forming in his throat and a few tears well up in his eyes, he turned towards his friend, who was looking down with a somber expression before he continued. "If I had just let them kill me, Shiemi, Konekomaru, Shima, and you… you all wouldn't have been in danger on my account.. an' sometimes I think.. if I killed myself, then you gu-"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY?" Suguro Screamed, his face red with anger at Rin's words.

Rin looked at his friend with surprise as a single tear fell from his eye and rolled down his cheek, opening his mouth to speak, before he was cut off once more.

"Why the fuck are ya so down on yer'self all of a sudden? I mean what the hell makes you so sure things would be better for everyone else exactly?" he rubbed his temples, the throbbing pain in his head already beginning. "You know what I fucking think? I think you only wanna talk about killing yer'self cause things are getting hard on ya! And thats real fuckin' selfish!"

"What the hell do you know!?" Rin barked back at his the other boy, his fingers dug into the earth under him and his arms tensed as he growled. "What if I do wanna die so that I can be done with all this shit? What of it?! It isn't like there would be anyone to fuckin' miss me! The vatican has orders to execute me at any moment! An' Everyone is fucking terrified that i'm some sorta threat to their lives! Everyone would be able to relax and worry less if I weren't around! I'm a monster! I'm a failure, and thats just all there is too it!"

For a moment Rin felt like he had made his point, and allowed himself to un-tense, until the other boy lunged at him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and staring him in the eyes, Fist clenched tightly around his tie and grinding his teeth.

"I don't fuckin' Care! I ain't gonna let you kill yer'self!" he paused for a moment. "Do you really think that Nobody would care?! Is that dumbass thought really running through that skull of yours?! I guess the rest of us were the only ones that thought we were your friends then, is that it?!"

Those last words struck a chord with Rin, and he could feel tears welling up, unable to reply to the other boys statements.

"I Thought you'd fuckin' get it already! WE ARE FRIENDS! Why can't you just get over yer'rself an' let us help you?! All of us would fuckin' miss you if you weren't around!" Suguro paused for another second before calming himself a little, and in a quieter voice he half-whispered, "I'd miss you, Okay?"

Rin's Body tensed again as he could feel the larger boy pulling him into a tight embrace. Suguro grabbed the back of the other boys head with his palm, and let him rest his neck on his shoulder.

"'Yer the only guy I ever shared my ambition's and goals wit' that didn't laugh at me. Ya' even share the same goals as me… of all the things you are, yer a slacker, and a dim-wit, but ya ain't a failure & ya ain't a monster, Stop saying that about yer'self."

Rin's actions turned from suppressing his tears, to openly sobbing, his arms wrapping around the other, pulling himself tighter into the embrace.

"Just quit actin' like yer all alone in this. Ya aren't. We're here for ya, we're all here for ya… I'm here for ya…" Suguro's face flushed slightly at his own words before he pulled away from the raven haired boy, using his fingers to gently lift his chin so he could look him in the eyes.

"Th-thanks Ryu…. I-I mean Suguro" Rin gave a timid smile as he looked back at his friend, tears still falling from his cheeks.

"C'mon just call me by my name dumbass!" His cheeks turned a soft shade of pink as his eyes darted off to the side. "We're friends an' whatnot…"

Not long after the words escaped his mouth he could feel the force of the half-demon boy lunge at him and he gasped for breath as he Rin tightly wrap his arms around him.

"Aw man! Thanks Ryuji!" Rin's tail began to wag as he wiped the remaining tears from his eyes, as his smile beamed ear to ear! "You n' me were gonna give Satan somethin' to be worried 'bout aren't we!?"

Ryuji Smiled a little as he hugged his friend back.

"He better be shakin' in his boots at this point, eh okumur… Rin?"

Rin smile somehow brightened up even more, at his friend calling him by his name and he excitedly Jumped up out of his sitting position onto his feet. Stretching his arms out he happily put his hand out to help his friend up after him.

"C'mon Bon! Lets go get som'thin to eat!" He proclaimed happily.

"I said you could use my name! I didn't say ya can call me that, dumbass!" Suguro barked back at the other, before accepting his hand and brushing the dirt off of himself.


End file.
